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Watch out whose ass you grab

April 10, 2012

Yes, a timeless challenge, for sure.

If you’re caught with your pants down, or your hand in the cookie jar — or, worse yet, pants down with your hand in the cookie jar — you must confess.

An innocent display of affection?

There’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

But in the case of ass grabbing, you’ve got to be careful whose ass you grab. Even before, eating humble pie, you confess your crime and guilt.

In the case of your daughter-in-law, you are given pause.

In the case of your daughter-in-law, who comes over for Easter dinner and, being the Norwegian she is, when you are putting your arm around her for a hug, averts her face and hip and your hand, which meant, did it not, to hug her hip or waist hugs, make that grabs, her ass!

And then, being the Norwegian she is, she says, Hey, was that an ass grab?

Which leaves you nonplussed, Polack that you are!

As in, Gee, did I mean to grab my daughter-in-law’s ass, or did she avert herself (face, hip) and in so doing invite an accidental misapplication of her father-in-law’s (old, horny) hand to her ass?

Oh, my gods! This is almost a theological question! How many angels, and their asses, can dance on the head of a pin? How many pin-headed scholars can dance before the eyes of the she-dragon?

Be it hereby resolved, then, as much as anything can be resolved, that I will keep my hugging to a minimum, alas — if my Norwegian daughter-in-law can keep her aversions to a minimum. Her turnings away, I mean, from what to all intents and purposes is an innocent desire to embrace her to the bosom of the family.

Nicht wahr?

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3 Comments
  1. Anton Dmytrenko permalink

    Greg
    You can grab my ass anytime

    • I guess that’s a legitimate response, mate — if by legitimate we mean something we won’t get arrested for! And that may be just the opportunity we’re all seeking, yes? To have a good time, to take pleasure where we find it, to stay out of jail! You know, of course, the dangers of ass grabbing in the workplace … or the family? There’s a time and place …

  2. I had an ass to grab one time. Few people grabbed it. Those who did were best friends forever (BFF). Of course I outlived them all, so I also am in search of new grab assers for friends.

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